Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize