Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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