He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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