i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
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Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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