Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
how can u be prego again
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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