For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
