he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
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so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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