Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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