You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
