there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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