you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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