Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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