The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I love having hate sex.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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