All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
