Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
