why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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