I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
