is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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