If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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