Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
