the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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