Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
