i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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