like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
