The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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