I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
