Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize