I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
