I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
