i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
