She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's blow job season.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
you never un-have a 4some
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
