At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
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It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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