How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
