haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
