Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
why is half of my head shaved?
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