I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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