Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize