the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
