i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
