I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
