So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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