doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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