What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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