My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
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I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
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Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed