Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
of course. lets lasso hookers.
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She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
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It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?