Texts From Last Night

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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.

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  (856): Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks. http://tfl.nu/z00s
  Replies (9) Good night (2625) Bad night (510)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.

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  (314): sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke. http://tfl.nu/stms
  Replies (15) Good night (4232) Bad night (420)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs

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  (404): dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs http://tfl.nu/cgkd
  Replies (58) Good night (964) Bad night (12153)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.

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  (317): Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am. http://tfl.nu/ygwv
  Replies (11) Good night (932) Bad night (5393)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework

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  (216): whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework http://tfl.nu/56zr
  Replies (30) Good night (5747) Bad night (712)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document

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  (570): I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document http://tfl.nu/k2y9
  Replies (49) Good night (1240) Bad night (6087)
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  (631): View more from New York

  i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.

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  (631): i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties. http://tfl.nu/jppt
  Replies (18) Good night (4114) Bad night (1105)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.

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  (312): dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it. http://tfl.nu/1896
  Replies (22) Good night (912) Bad night (8300)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances

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  (250): My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances http://tfl.nu/ihp8
  Replies (15) Good night (1173) Bad night (4859)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day

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  (513): Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day http://tfl.nu/hc9r
  Replies (3) Good night (2565) Bad night (803)
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  (909): View more from California

  that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though

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  (909): that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though http://tfl.nu/jicr
  Replies (4) Good night (2186) Bad night (734)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.

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  (612): he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers. http://tfl.nu/asbc
  Replies (4) Good night (2492) Bad night (1074)
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  (909): View more from California

  Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?

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  (909): Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs? http://tfl.nu/7n3l
  Replies (8) Good night (1591) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.

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  (314): Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge. http://tfl.nu/n4av
  Replies (7) Good night (1218) Bad night (483)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.

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  (757): I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration. http://tfl.nu/xlpu
  Replies (5) Good night (1256) Bad night (498)

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