i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his