Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
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I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons