Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
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But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
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Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"