Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?