I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
