You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
