I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
