I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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