Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
