Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
