Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
