I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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