***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You took a bar mat shot.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
