6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
