hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
