I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
