and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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