Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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