IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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